On the Diagnosis Merry-Go-Round Again!

Last week, my younger son, almost 4, started Headstart Preschool. I spoke to the head of special services when I enrolled him, and told her that I was certain he had ADHD, and he was starting to show signs of Aspergers or another Autistic Spectrum Disorder, but that I wasn't sure if that was actual symptoms or learned behavior from his older brother. I was assured that they were going to work with me in getting him help, because I had trouble getting the local school system to do anything for my older son other than say they wanted to hold him back a year or put him in a self-contained classroom with severely disabled children. It took me spending my own money to get him evaluated, and I'm still paying off that bill, and three years to get the school system to accept the diagnosis, plus another year to get specialists out to the school to observe him and give the school a plan to help him with his behavior.

Last Wednesday, my son and I went to the teacher "meet and greet," where I explained his behavior problems, that we have an appointment in September with a psychiatrist certified in diagnosing ASD's, and that his older brother has Aspergers. He's hyperactive and impulsive, he eats things that aren't food like crayons and chalk, he runs away and won't stop when you order him to, he ignores adults when he's being corrected or redirected, won't sit in time out, and when you hold him still for time out, he struggles screams, and headbutts. He constantly hums "Smoke on the Water," and he uses unusual phrases like "driving wheel" instead of "steering wheel." I picked him up after his first day, and the teacher was talking to me about his behavior as if she were surprised! I'd spent a good deal of time during the first meeting warning her, and she acted surprised! I sent him back to school the next day, and by lunchtime they called me and asked me to pick him up because he kept trying to run out the door. I broke down and cried, because this is exactly what I experienced with his older brother, and I was a prisoner in my home for 3 years, waiting for the school to call and tell me to pick up my son, they couldn't handle him. I managed to pull myself together and go get him, but everything I'd planned for the rest of the day had to be put aside so I could watch him. He's the kind of child you can't turn your back on for more than one or two minutes or he'll be into something dangerous, or trying to go out the door. I just had a chain lock installed so he couldn't open the door, because he already knows how to unlock the door lock and deadbolt. So for now, the teacher is sending a letter to the head of special services, I'm meeting with them Monday morning, and the teacher is writing a letter to his pediatrician describing her observations, so I can express my concern and possibly get a trial of Ritalin or Adderall until we see the psychiatrist.

I've been planning on finishing my college degree this fall, because my husband and I are separated, his colon cancer has returned, and I need to have a job that has benefits and allows me to be home with the boys after school (my major is education). I'm running out of time to get registered for classes, I'm afraid to go to get financial aid and advisor meetings done because they may call me and ask me to come get my son (school is 45 minutes away from home). I have a feeling that they're going to ask me to help in the classroom daily watching my son (we have to do volunteer work for Headstart as a requisite for our child attending), and that will keep me from finishing my degree.

I'm under a lot of pressure to get a job from my husband, because he's angry and feels he shouldn't have to support me, even if taking care of the boys properly means me not working. He wants to divorce now, and leave me without medical and dental insurance, and I desperately need medicine so I am able to function, and won't be able to get it without insurance. I tried to apply for a job as a substitute teacher, but I had to have three references from current or former educators, and no one came through in time for me to train for this school year, so that's put off until next year. It's probably for the best though, with the uncertainty of my son's status at Headstart. I'm just afraid the boys and I will be on public assistance soon, because their father is reluctant to help, we're living off my older son's SSI, which is not much, and my husband is so angry with me that he doesn't care if the boys are hurt by his actions or inaction. I've pleaded with him to help me financially until I have a degree and a job, but he sees that as helping me, not making sure the boys have a parent who can take care of them financially (he's underemployed, so any child support and/or alimony I get won't be enough to pay the bills.