I hate IEP meetings

My husband and I have an eight year old son with Asperger Syndrome, an Autistic Spectrum Disorder. We had a meeting this morning with his teacher, special ed teacher, a special ed teacher of a behavioral program, the principal,the special education coordinator, and the superintendent of the school system. We have been battling for close to two years to get them to have an autism clinic come out and evaluate our son in a mainstream classroom in order to advise us on the best educational setting for him. They have been trying to avoid this at all costs, and want us to accept their assessments without question. When we finally got them to contact the clinic, they ended up sending us for another evaluation. One of the doctors at the clinic looked at Ian's medical records and asked us why we were there when two other well-respected doctors had already diagnosed him. We just shrugged and told him that what we asked for was an in-school educational consultation, and that the school set up an evaluation, probably because they didn't believe the other two doctors.

Our son is in third grade, and even before he entered kindergarten, we tried to get the school system to address his behavioral problems. They were well aware of his behavioral problems, since he had attended a daycare that was run by the school district and located at the local primary school. I called the special education coordinator months before he entered kindergarten and asked for help, only to be told there was nothing they could do until he was in kindergarten. When I asked for services when he was in kindergarten, after an initial diagnosis of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and severe ADHD, they told me they preferred to wait until first grade before putting him into the special education system. For three years, they've kept him in a mainstream classroom with few or no supports, mainly because they think his problem is lack of maturity. Every year we are told he needs to be held back, even though he's an A-B honor roll student. We've explained to them that his developmental disorder causes him to lag behind socially. Even though he's 8 years old, he thinks more like a 4 or 5 year old, and if we held him back until he caught up, he would probably still be in kindergarten.

We've begged for a behavioral aide and behavioral therapy since he entered kindergarten. At the end of last school year they decided he needs to be in a special classroom away from all the friends he's made because he's disruptive. Good grief, he's been disrupting class for three years and now they're finally deciding to do something? We've been telling them for three years that it's not fair to the teacher or the other students for instruction to stop because he's having a meltdown. Now, instead of trying something short of removing him from a mainstream classroom completely, which should be a last resort, they decide he needs to be in a special classroom. I think sending him to the behavioral program for part of the day would be great, in fact, it's what we've been begging for all this time. But to go from a mainstream classroom to a special classroom without trying something in between is not fair to him, and certainly not trying to adhere to the Least Restrictive Environment concept of education. Both my husband and I feel like they just want to put him where he'll be out of the way. They constantly threw their degrees in our faces until I told them that I was an education major at university until I left because of illness, and that I had taken special education courses too. I know about mainstreaming and that they're required to provide the Least Restrictive Environment for a student. We're tired of being told we don't know what's best for our son's education. We know him better than they do. And as for their degrees, damn it, I have a college degree too! I'm not some uneducated, uniformed rube. They can't roll over us like they do everyone else.

Finally, after much arguing, and threatening to walk out of the meeting altogether, they agreed to contact the clinic and arrange a consultation. Two hours to agree on what we thought we agreed to at the end of last school year. We agreed to let our son visit the other classroom as a "field trip," and asked that they reconsider a part-time placement in the behavioral classroom until we get the assessment. The teacher of the behavioral classroom is one we've met through the Boy's and Girl's Club, and he and our son get along well, so we'd like to see them work together.

I'm so tired of our son being rejected because of his disability. God, I hate that word. He's not disabled, he just learns behavior differently. He's smart and he's lovable, and it pains me that people think he's a horrible child, that we're horrible parents, and don't invite him to play dates or birthday parties. We know this because a friend of ours was talking to some parents at a birthday party when the subject of Ian's problems came up. She defended us and told the people they didn't know just how hard we try with Ian. Even people at church shake their heads and shun us because of it. I'm tired of being told we don't beat our child enough. I'm tired of having to sit at home all day and wait for the school to call and tell me to come get him because they can't control him.